Plastics Group of America Crowns a Corporate Chicken Wing Eating Champion
July 21, 2015
Bookmakers Acknowledge the Upset
(Woonsocket, RI – July 21, 2015) – In what many who know both participants consider to be an upset of “Joey Chestnut being defeated on the 4th of July” proportions, The Plastics Group of America (TPG) is pleased to officially announce the crowning of David Rondeau as its official corporate chicken wing eating champion. Mr. Rondeau upset the favored Jay West in an epic epicurean battle held last week at Buffalo Wild Wings in Woonsocket, RI.
The participants were closely monitored by the father-and-son duo of Bob and Jake Lebeaux as they engaged in a lip-smacking, burn blister-producing showdown. It was a thrilling contest as both contestants hungrily gobbled up every wing in sight. Given 6 minutes to finish, Jay finished in a very respectable 2 minutes and 51 seconds, narrowly losing to Dave’s impressive 2 minute, 31-second championship face-fill.
The gracious winner proudly celebrated his victory without rubbing Jay’s face in it. Had he rubbed Jay’s face in any way, he would have been covered with any one of the countless gobs of chicken wing sauce sticking to Jay’s beard and cheek regions.
It was a memorable event and Jay has vowed to train long and hard (long and hard being Jay’s trademark) to mount a challenge as soon as he regains feeling in his mouth. All Dave could do was respond with a chuckle and go back to work hanging beef curtain rods in his office.
Mike Rosenthal, TPG’s Executive Vice President, proudly stated “we are thrilled to call these chowhounds our employees. Their commitment to “Doing The Needful” and scarfing down countless blazing chicken extremities in a matter of minutes to enable us to get a better handle on thermal resistance – scrapings from the cheek walls of each (upper and lower) will provide us with invaluable data.”
The Plastics Group of America is a leading employer of dumbasses who never once stopped to consider the ramifications to the company plumbing that their participation in this contest will produce. For more information about the long-term damage to their gastrointestinal tracts suffered by each participant, contact either of these dopes.